Homework Dangers

As a former teacher, I would define homework in many ways. I never thought I would ever use the adjective "dangerous" in conjunction with it. Then again, motherhood has caused me to change my definition of so many things.

The vocabulary list from Alice's reading resource teacher seemed so benign at first glance. Periodically, Alice is given lists of words to read with me. Many of these words are unfamiliar to her, so it is a way for her to put her phonics knowledge into action. If Alice does not know the word, she typically asks me its meaning right after she says it aloud.

We were halfway down the sl- word column when we came to the word "slug".

"Mommy, what does 'slug' mean?" Alice asked.

"It means to hit," I replied.

"Like this?" Alice gave me a light tap on my chest.

"No," I answered. "A 'slug' would be much harder."

"Oh, you mean like this?"

BAM!

Thank goodness, I don't have heart issues. I am convinced the blow she gave me might have instigated a cardiac episode.

"Alice," I yelled. "What the heck made you think that would be the appropriate thing to do?!" The bellowing coupled with the daggers shooting out of my eyes made Alice quickly see her error in judgement. She jumped from her chair and threw her arms around my midsection all the while apologizing profusely.

I hugged her back and asked for her to release me so I could stir dinner (translation: Mommy needed to walk away, get her annoyance under control, and catch her breath- literally). Upon returning to the table, I sat down and did a quick scan of the remaining words on the list. Since they seemed "safe" and that chest protection was unnecessary, I managed to finish helping Alice with her homework unscathed.

Later that evening, I told John what happened.

He thought for a moment and told me, "You should have told her a slug is a bug that will die if you sprinkle it with salt."

Damn.

I hate hindsight and multiple word meanings.