Poop, Poop Everywhere!

Two of the most important tools in my mommyhood arsenal are my steam cleaners. Yes, I have two: a Bissel Spotbot (small machine) and a Bissel Proheat (full sized). Of all the paraphernalia associated with bringing up children, these are the most valuable. Had I known what I know now, I would have placed them on my baby registry along with a pack mule.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have cream colored carpet in my living room. This was the selection of the empty nesters from whom we purchased our home. It is beautiful carpet and was in such good shape it did not make sense to rip it up when we moved in. Then we had a child. Thanks to the steamers, the carpet has remained in good shape despite incidents such as the one that occurred Wednesday morning.

I was enjoying my breakfast and tea when Alice sauntered into the kitchen. Somehow she had managed to semi-tear her diaper off despite its duct tape reinforcement. The waist was intact but the sides were free. I laughed when I saw her come in with the diaper flapping between her legs. The laughter quickly died when I heard the dreaded words, “Mommy, poopie.” I ripped the diaper fully off and there was some brownish discoloration on the absorbent padding. The phrase “Oh, %&#!” exploded in my head. I darted into the living room to find a harbinger of doom to greet me- the pug licking her chops. I had walked into a poop crime scene. I found the pile of regurgitated poop a second later in front of the entertainment center along with a bunch of shitprints in all directions. Apparently, Alice stepped in the mess and then walked around the living room in her quest to find me. Whatever happened to the good old days when a trail of Cheerios and a vacuum pug told me where to look for Alice? Thank goodness I am no longer suffering from morning sickness because I would probably still be retching in the bathroom like a CSI rookie at a first crime scene.

In no time, the full sized steamer erased the evidence of the poop fest in my living room. Still, I will be much happier when we replace the carpet in a few years with something more practical. I am thinking something in the brown family.