Happy New Year...resolutions

This Christmas I sent out our family newsletter- a chronicle of all the ways my two year old daughter is making me laugh or cry (depending on my hormone levels). My cousin Ellen called demanding I, at the very least, start a blog explaining that in this day an age we need more humorists.

Ellen- this one is for you....

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Everyone!

I hope this letter finds you doing well. I usually try not to rely on the typed note, but writing, “I am pregnant” ad nauseum would probably make me nauseous. I am enjoying finally being over morning sickness too much to chance it. Yep, I am pregnant. I am sorry if I am repeating myself. Blame “mommy mush brain” for my forgetfulness. Cletus the Fetus, 2.0 is due to arrive around May 21, 2009. We decided not to find out the sex ahead of time. At the first ultrasound, the little one was kicking around so much that the technician could not get a good look to determine sex. John has to be out of town for the next ultrasound, so we decided that the fates and fetus have spoken. We did not find out with Alice and it was a great surprise. It was a great motivation to push after nine months of not knowing. Additionally, it has the side benefit of driving people crazy. Most folks simply don’t comprehend not finding out ahead of time. The silly side of me enjoys when people ask if it is a boy or girl and I reply, “Those are generally the two options.” Considering the list of things I can’t enjoy these days, I have to take my kicks where and when I can. Alice so far seems clueless about what is to come despite my growing belly, diminishing lap, and our repeated statements about her becoming a big sister. She will point to my stomach and say “baby”, but she now does that to hers too. I told her not until she is married and established in a good career or I will kill her…ha ha.

Alice turned 2 years old in August and has entered the “terrible twos”. Actually, they probably would not be too horrible if I could unwind in the evening with a glass of wine and a long soak in a steaming hot bath. More often than not I am trying not to laugh as I inform her that she should not give Cookie Monster a bath in the toilet and just because you can reach the chocolate stash does not mean you are having any for breakfast. Motherhood has caused me to utter sentences I never thought would exit my mouth such as “Alice, don’t chase the pug with a light saber/fork/plunger/Swifer sweeper.” Life is never boring that is for sure. Whenever people hear I have a girl, they get goofy smiles on their faces. I know they are imagining demure tea parties, dress up, and other girlie activities. While they get lost in their dreams, I recall the reality- Alice jumping off the furniture topless and beating her chest a la Tarzan (complete with the yell). She must have been a nudist in a past life for at any moment she will strip off her clothing. The diaper used to go too until I discovered yet another use for duct tape (I am not kidding). Wrestling, running and rock collecting are the norm. So far several of my toothbrushes have met with watery demises in the toilet and I have discovered that the magic eraser does take off crayon from wallpaper (along with the wall paper). Alice and Puggie spend their days playing, and I have to say Puggie should be canonized for what she puts up with. Alice loves to hug the dog but in doing so winds up wrestling her to the ground in her love and enthusiasm. The other day John walked in to find Alice walking the dog around the living room like a wheelbarrow. I guess Puggie works under the belief that any attention is better than none. She also realizes that Alice is a great food source so I am sure that helps the relationship.

I would love to write more, but I don’t want to bore you with the details. Also, Alice is beckoning me to the living room for Blue’s Clues. I am sure if Dante were writing The Divine Comedy today children’s programming would be one of the levels of hell.