Death Toll- Two

I love animals and nature outside where it belongs. I don’t keep plants or whatnot in my house as my tendency is to kill them. I also prefer the only furry thing in the house to be the pug, so it goes without saying that I was totally skived out when I found evidence of a mouse in the house. John and I took an immediate defensive position. Steel wool. Poison. Traps. Things seemed quiet for a bit. We assumed the situation was resolved and did not think too much about it. Then last week, when my daily chocolate craving hit, I took out my bag of individually wrapped Ghirardelli 72% dark chocolates. To my horror, I discovered a hole in the bag and several pieces half eaten. Poking around the drawer showed my stash of expensive English breakfast tea was also ravaged. The die was cast and the kid gloves were now off. My chocolate and tea in one fell swoop? Prepare to die, sucka.

I was leery to call the exterminator. I did not want to engage in chemical warfare unless absolutely necessary. Instead, I decided to be strategic in trap placement. Speaking of traps, we use the mouse equivalent of the roach motel. It goes in but does not come out. My kind of trap that is for sure. The next day I heard nails scratching on plastic. The culprit had been captured. Eventually, our POW suffered a heart attack. The war was resolved…or so I thought.

The next morning after I prepared Alice her breakfast, I saw the enemy scurrying along the perimeters of my kitchen, apparently involved in some recon mission. Now, I pride myself on not being a “girly girl”. I kill spiders, assemble things with tools, open my own doors and whatnot. With furry scurrying things, however, I screech for the nearest knight in shining armor. I screamed for John, “A MOUSE….UGGHHH!” To which my gallant hero replied, “Well, kill it.” Despite my panic mode, I gave pause. “What the fuck does he want me to kill it with?” I thought. My laser vision has been on the fritz lately as have the flames that shoot from my finger tips. The pitch of my screams must have more power than I initially thought because not long after John came down stairs, I heard the telltale scratching within the trap. Wow, I actually drove a mouse to suicide with just the power of my voice. Perhaps I have super hero qualities after all.