Slut

That got your attention, didn't it? Thankfully, I am not referring to anyone I know of the human variety. It is the pug of which I speak. Yes, Puggie Smalls, the Notoriuos P.U.G is also a notorious whore, for belly rubs in particular, but she will take any pats anywhere from anyone. This was reinforced several times yesterday. My sister came over to see the girls (and me, but I am realistic enough to realize she wanted to play with her nieces more). The poor girl could not go anywhere without the pug falling at her feet exposing her belly. You would think that with four people in the house the dog would get enough. Heck, even Angela at 18 months knows how to rub the dog's stomach (pretty gently too I might add). But that silly dog is never satisfied. There she always wants more. I wonder if they have doggie support groups for this affliction.


Even after my sister left, the dog was striving to capture our attention and center it on her belly. After dinner on Friday nights, the girls and I (poor John has been travelling nonstop for work) cuddle together in the playroom and watch some kind of animated movie. Last night, as we were enjoying Toy Story, I noticed that the pug had somehow figured out a way to lie down and have contact with all three of us. After I put Angela to bed, the pug was able to really hone in on the two of us. I have to admit that my heart kind of melted when she rested her head on Alice and used her as a pillow. Alice looked at me and said, "Mommy, Puggie is tired." I agreed and Alice proceeded to get the dog a blanket and a stuffed animal companion. The pug's snores filled the room. Maybe the life of a slut is not too bad after all.

Tail of Woe

Alice is a great kid. More often than not, she amazes me with her thoughtfulness, intelligence and humor. And then she pulls a "typical toddler" move. Lately, she has been taking the toy(s) Angela is playing with right from her hands. Now, I totally understand that sharing is a really hard concept to learn. I think we all know adults who have not mastered the skill. Regardless, my home looks like a toy factory threw up in it. There is no end to playthings littering the floor, tables, bins, and dark shadowy corners protected by killer dust bunnies. I simply don't fully understand why she HAS to play with that particular toy at that exact moment. Typically, Alice and Angela play really well (actually surprisingly well) together. Alice enjoys being with her sister and making her laugh so I am totally at a loss as to why she continually does something to make Angela cry.


I have done the whole "gentle explanation in terms she can understand" deal. I might as well have tried teaching her algebra. She now loses her television privileges for a period of time. That has helped curtail it a great deal but still the behavior persists. The whole thing has been driving me nuts. I told Angela that when she is big enough to defend her turf Mommy will deliberately turn a blind eye a time or two so she can have some payback. I have warned Alice of this but right now she does not fear her little sister.


This last Sunday, the whole situation took a humorous turn. I was cleaning up from dinner and enjoying a moment of peaceful serenity. John was with the two little ones in the living room playing. I was basking in some solo time and actually starting and finishing a task (gasp). A cry from Angela, a scolding from John and a full blown tantrum from Alice threw all that serenity out the window. Alice ran to the kitchen to tell me her tale of woe. Needless to say, she got no compassion from me and instead got an additional reprimand. I returned to my cleaning fuming all the while. As I finished the last pot, I realized Alice was under the table but still carrying on a conversation. Curiously, I peered under the table to find Alice pouring out all her sorrow to a very patient pug who just sat there and listened. Alice hysterically related to the dog, "I'm so angry. I'm so tired. I'm so cranky and I'm so hungry again." I silently left the room to laugh and tell John what was going on in the kitchen. A few minutes later I called to Alice and once she quieted down we talked about why she was scolded. Puggie hopped between the two of us and proceeded to lick Alice's tears. Once all was settled, Alice returned to play in the living room and I called the pug into the kitchen. I went to the treat closet and took out two. After listening to Alice's tale of woe, she surely deserved a double.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Here is the copy of our annual Christmas letter along with the pictures that were on the card. For those of you who already received it sorry for the repeat.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

I nearly had a heart attack a few weeks ago when I flipped the calendar to the December page. All the things that needed to be done before Christmas popped into my head simultaneously; hence, the near heart attack. Since Angela's birth, time has become this hazy period in between feedings and sleep. I shook myself out of my fog and logged onto Snapfish's website. If nothing else, I could get our annual Christmas card designed quickly.

The top left picture was taken during our first apple picking excursion at Masker Orchards. As you can tell from the background, it was the perfect day to pick apples or as John would phrase it "pay to be migrant workers." Alice had a ball and really got into the whole picking experience. At least now I can rest easily, knowing that if college does not work out, she has skill as an itinerant worker. I also learned that I can use 40 lbs of apples in only two weeks. Yes, Martha Stewart has nothing on me. For a while, however, I felt like I was living in that movie scene from Forrest Gump when he was in the army and his buddy listed the many uses for shrimp. Substitute apples and you had my life for those two weeks: apple butter, apple pancakes, apple sauce, apples covered in chocolate. Okay, I didn't try that last one but maybe next year. After all, everything is better with chocolate.

The next photo is of Angela on the day she was born. She decided to surprise the heck out of us and exit a month early. I don't think I will ever forget the start to that morning. I was trying to haul my pregnant body out of bed for yet another trip to the bathroom when my water broke. Nothing like starting your day with the feeling that a water balloon just exploded (and kept exploding) in between your legs. Since Angela was breech, I needed to have a c-section. Poor John got yet another anatomy lesson he could have happily done without, but, at least he can say he experienced firsthand all the ways that a child can exit a woman. Despite being early, Angela weighed 6 lbs 6 oz. and was 19 inches long. Alice has taken on the role of "big sister" exceptionally well. I hope they always get on the way they currently do.

At the bottom left is a picture of Alice at a pancake house during our vacation to Lake George. I just love her smile in this picture. Alice is now 3 years old and a hoot. She daily provides me with excellent fodder for my blog, especially now that her language and imagination have taken off. Just yesterday while we were making sugar cookies, Alice treated the balls of dough like little people. They took a swim in the green and red sugar sea and then proceeded to have all kinds of adventures on the cookie sheet. I felt a bit guilty about putting the tray in the oven but thankfully, she was not traumatized.

Finally, we have a picture of Angela with her bud Puggie. Angela just loves the dog to pieces. Whenever she hears the dog's nails clicking on the tile floor, she perks up and starts looking for her. The smile that erupts when she finally sees Puggie is just a wonderful expression of pure joy. The dog likewise loves having another little one around and has adapted very well to being knocked a little lower in the pecking order. She seizes every opportunity to be near Angela and kiss her. Personally, I think she is trying to curry favor for when Angela transitions to finger foods. Alice has become miserly with the handouts and her diet is much more Spartan than it has been in the last two years. Consequently, I now have a dog three pounds thinner who eats lint off the floor in the hope it is food.

While I am pleased with how the card looks, I realize that it does not really tell the tale of our family. To really highlight the events of this year pictorially I would need a few more photos. There would be a picture of me with the carpet steamer juxtaposed with Alice on the potty. Thankfully everything has clicked, but the journey was not easy. You can lead a toddler to the potty but you can't make them go, especially if the toddler in question is a strong willed sort like Alice. Using great judgment on my part, I concentrated on potty training post pregnancy. It enabled me to enjoy some wine with my whines about the process. The card would also need a picture of me sitting down and breastfeeding Angela. Next to me would be Alice who would be breastfeeding her stuffed Cat in the Hat doll. Alice is a great big sister and helper. More than once she would lift her shirt and offer to feed Angela. Given Angela's undiscerning love for all things nipple, she probably would have latched on. Unfortunately, John quickly saw through my ploys of trying to get him to hold Angela without his shirt on. He feared I would not explain how to pop her off. I tried to convince him that I totally would show him (eventually), but alas my plan was foiled. Our card would need a shot with John and Alice playing with Play-Doh. Who knew that my CPA husband was the Michelangelo of Play-Doh? He has made armies of characters and done much surgery on them after Godzilla Alice left her path of destruction in her wake. The card would also need a picture of Alice in front of her school building. Alice loves preschool, but the beginning was a little rocky. Apparently, she did not like being reprimanded for something on the first day and popped the director in the nose. Thankfully, despite this rocky start, Alice settled in and loves it (and the director). The card would also need a picture of Alice naked. Our resident nudist peels off her clothes the second she gets home. One day John came home from work and asked her, "Alice, why are you naked?" Alice happily told him, "Because I took my clothes off." This brings me to the next requirement for a Christmas card that would really depict my family-- a soundtrack with no pauses for silence coupled with a laugh track.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and start of a new year. If you would like to keep posted on the craziness of our family life or if you need a dose of birth control feel free to read my blog. You can access it as http://www.twohumansandapug.blogspot.com/

Looks Like Puggie Got Off the "Naughty" List

I am happy to report that Puggie got herself off the "Naughty" list, which is good because I don't rightly know the dog equivalent of coal in the stocking. Actually, "naughty" is not really the right word to describe her behavior of late. Puggie is simply acting like a mischievous puppy again. Who knew that a three pound weight loss coupled with cooler weather could transform my snorty couch potato pug into the playful pup she once was? For the first two years of her life, John and I were convinced that she did not sleep because we NEVER saw her snoozing. These last two years I don't think we ever caught her awake. Due to this re-emergence of puppy pug, we now have a dog that cannot get enough playtime, belly rubs, fetch....you name it. Needless to say, she is driving me nuts. Keeping up with the girls is hard enough without adding a newly recharged pug into the mix.

Normally her energy would not annoy me so much. Unfortunately, I am majorly sleep deprived and sleep deprivation makes me downright edgy. This week has been worse than usual. In addition to the typical breastfeeding rousings, I have been up due to Angela's ear infection pain and Alice's night terrors. I feel like the walking dead. While running errands yesterday, I actually looked at concrete sidewalks with longing. They seemed like such an inviting place to lay down and rest a while. Needless to say, having the pug jumping all over me when I finally do sit down has not been as welcome as it normally would be. It also seems like every time I turn around she has been engaged in some misdeed or another . The big "you freaking dog" moment of the week came when I caught her in the basement eating the ornaments Alice and I made from bake-doh. Apparently, they were so delicious that she is now stalking the Christmas tree with the pug equivalent of panther like stealth (read: no stealth at all). I never would have thought that flour, salt, water and non toxic paint would be so delicious; however, considering that the dog is not above noshing on a shitty diaper, I guess anything is a step up from that.

And then on Tuesday Puggie got herself back into my good graces. Alice, Angela and I were in the living room playing and watching television while waiting for John to return home from work. Angela is now sitting up independently for stretches of time. I was periodically handing her toys to entertain her when Puggie came into the room with her favorite scrunchy dog in her mouth. She walked over to Angela, placed it on her lap, and sat down, waiting for Angela to play with her. Angela whacked the toy a few times and laughed. This resulted in the infamous "pug head tilt" as the dog tried to process how exactly this is fun. She decided to try a different track. After leaving the room for a moment, Puggie came back with her green soccer ball. She placed this next to Angela in the hope of a more rousing game but was disappointed once again. After a while, she sprawled herself next to the baby and let Angela pet her (read: whack her roughly due to a lack of fine motor development and delicacy).

The sweetness of the moment made me remember all the good that is in "that damn dog." She is so patient and tolerant with both girls. John and I often comment how we could not have a better dog, especially with two little ones running about. Puggie just takes everything in stride. For instance, last week the dog was enjoying gnawing on her rawhide. Angela decided to get in on the action and gum the dog's hind leg. The dog paused to see what was going on and then resumed her bone chewing. She never runs away and hides from Alice even when their games get too rough for my taste. Just yesterday, Alice was chasing the dog with a pirate sword. They were engaged in a game of hair stylist and she wanted to cut the dog's hair. A few minutes after telling Alice to stop with the sword, I went to check on the two. There was Alice combing the dog's hair with a comb she found and the dog patiently sitting there allowing Alice to play her game. "That damn dog" is my faithful babysitter, persistent face cleaner, and determined crumb hunter. I could not have a better pal. Sharing motherhood with her has brought more smiles and sweet moments than I would have thought possible.

The Pug

It is nice to know that the tiredness John and I feel at the end of the day is not ours exclusively. Honestly, I sometimes feel that the pug gets the brunt of Alice. I cannot imagine what she will look like at the end of the day when number two becomes mobile.

The Great Candy Caper Solved

While I was showering yesterday morning Alice came to me with a mini bag of M & Ms to open. I had to smile as I experienced yet another mark of motherhood- multitasking in the shower. I used to happy if I managed to shave my legs and pits without permanently scarring myself and staining the white porcelain with blood. Motherhood has made me master pealing bananas, fixing toys, puncturing juice boxes, and the like all while under a steaming hot spray of water. I have become the MacGyver of showers.

Anyhow, I made a mental note to check the status of the candy bowl on the kitchen counter when I got downstairs. I thought was out of Alice’s reach. Yet again, I either underestimated Alice’s height or resourcefulness. The stainless steel bowl was on the floor empty. A handful of candy was around it, but those few pieces in no way accounted for the bowl’s contents. I took solace in the fact that the candy pieces were all individually wrapped, but I still had to act quickly. I had a large amount of chocolate missing and a vacuum cleaner pug on the prowl. I donned my Sherlock Holmes persona and began to do a quick inventory of the crime scene along with establishing the crime’s timeline. The culprit did not have a large amount of time to stash the goodies as greed got in her way (she wanted to eat some candy immediately,) so where would a two year old hide evidence to enjoy later? Near the empty bowl and candies was Alice’s ride on Mater toy (the tow truck from the movie Cars). “Hmmmm…,” I thought, “could this be it?” I held my breath and lifted the seat. Bingo! There in the cargo hold of the toy were the missing candies. Case solved. Pug medical crisis averted and one ticked off toddler created. You can’t win them all I guess.

Poop, Poop Everywhere!

Two of the most important tools in my mommyhood arsenal are my steam cleaners. Yes, I have two: a Bissel Spotbot (small machine) and a Bissel Proheat (full sized). Of all the paraphernalia associated with bringing up children, these are the most valuable. Had I known what I know now, I would have placed them on my baby registry along with a pack mule.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have cream colored carpet in my living room. This was the selection of the empty nesters from whom we purchased our home. It is beautiful carpet and was in such good shape it did not make sense to rip it up when we moved in. Then we had a child. Thanks to the steamers, the carpet has remained in good shape despite incidents such as the one that occurred Wednesday morning.

I was enjoying my breakfast and tea when Alice sauntered into the kitchen. Somehow she had managed to semi-tear her diaper off despite its duct tape reinforcement. The waist was intact but the sides were free. I laughed when I saw her come in with the diaper flapping between her legs. The laughter quickly died when I heard the dreaded words, “Mommy, poopie.” I ripped the diaper fully off and there was some brownish discoloration on the absorbent padding. The phrase “Oh, %&#!” exploded in my head. I darted into the living room to find a harbinger of doom to greet me- the pug licking her chops. I had walked into a poop crime scene. I found the pile of regurgitated poop a second later in front of the entertainment center along with a bunch of shitprints in all directions. Apparently, Alice stepped in the mess and then walked around the living room in her quest to find me. Whatever happened to the good old days when a trail of Cheerios and a vacuum pug told me where to look for Alice? Thank goodness I am no longer suffering from morning sickness because I would probably still be retching in the bathroom like a CSI rookie at a first crime scene.

In no time, the full sized steamer erased the evidence of the poop fest in my living room. Still, I will be much happier when we replace the carpet in a few years with something more practical. I am thinking something in the brown family.

A girl and her dog....

Oftentimes I am taken aback by the relationship that has grown between Puggie Smalls, the Notorious P.U.G. and Alice. I have to admit to being a bit concerned while pregnant with Alice about how Puggie would react to a new member of the family. After all, Puggie was the only child for two years. She had all the attention and the run of the house. Also, since young children were not part of our social circle, she had never really been socialized around young little ones. I knew from the research I did when we were looking into the various breeds that pugs were great family dogs and good around children, but I was still concerned. Now, I watch the two of them interact and I laugh at how worried I was.

Every morning Alice and I snuggle in bed while I wake up. Actually I snuggle with the covers while Alice spends the time pulling my hair and doing her vocal practice of random words, letters and numbers. I know the time to drag my carcass out of bed has come when she happily shouts her first logical statement, “Puggie, pug, dog, puppy dog, puggie.” That said, she climbs out of bed, hands me my socks and slippers and runs to the alarm panel indicating that I should disarm it so we can go downstairs and start the day.

Before even drinking her milk, Alice rushes to the first floor bathroom to release Puggie from her crate. One of Alice’s happiest days was when she figured out the movement needed to unlatch the crate. As she pulls back the catch, Alice waves to her friend and says a cheerful “Hi!”. I then hear a giggle. Puggie is out and has given Alice a morning smooch. Puggie runs out to see me in the kitchen and Alice follows close behind with the dog’s collar. She hands me the collar and demands I put it on the dog. This task done Alice drinks some milk and presents me with the dog’s food bowl. There have been some attempts on Alice’ s part to fill the bowl herself. These tries have generally resulted in an entire bag of dog food on the floor, me stressed out trying to clean it up and Puggie trying to gorge herself. Alice, unfortunately, follows the dog’s example. Yes, my child, gourmand that she is, enjoys munching on Iams dry dog food. It is my own fault. Sometimes my “cleverness” gets the better of me. When Alice was much younger, she decided she wanted to eat the dog’s food. I decided to let her try it. I figured the disgusting taste would end her curiosity. No such luck. She found dog food quite delicious. Consequently, I now have to put the dog in her pen to feed her or Alice sits next to her and steals the kibble out from under the poor dog. After the dog eats, Alice then chases her around with a water bowl, admonishing her to “drink, drink.”

Once this morning routine is exhausted, the two sojourn to the living room for play, tomfoolery and whatnot. Alice has learned gentleness over the last few months in particular (much to the dog’s relief) and as a result, I find the dog seeking out Alice’s company more and more. There have been times she has even woken Alice up from a nap to play. I look forward to seeing how Puggie reacts when we bring #2 home now that she is a seasoned veteran. Most likely she will ignore the munchkin until solid foods are introduced and a new food source is born.

A Pleasant Morning and then Crime Struck…

I was a bit fearful when Monday rolled around and John went back to work after his vacation. I figured Alice would be a banshee without her beloved Daddy around full time. How happily surprised was I when she slipped right back into our former routine? Pregnancy mush brain must have hit me strongly that morning because I stupidly forgot certain aspects of our “former routine”. My defenses were slow as was my reaction time.

On the surface all seemed fine. Alice and Puggie played in the living room while I went through the house doing my usual stuff. Now that I think about it, I should have known they were up to something. The furtive glances in my direction; the hushed whispers; the camouflage. A heist was obviously going to go down.

As I put away holiday decorations and cleaned, Alice and her partner in crime, Puggie pilfered a bag of sweet potato chips from the kitchen. A long period of silence and deeply contented pug snorting forewarned me of potential disaster in the living room. All my senses were now sharp and alert; however, by the time I got there, all that was left were some miniscule crumbs and an empty chip bag. Puggie, with absolutely no remorse, blew her diet big time that morning. She was sent into solitary (her pen) with no breakfast and two bowls of water to counteract her increased sodium intake.

Don’t feel too badly for her. When I went to the basement to fold laundry, Alice sprung her associate from the “big house”. They remained on the lam until naptime.

Would you like a moment alone?

John and I were relaxing in the living room on Saturday night watching television. The pug's snores were particularly loud and content which made us curious enough to look for her. This is what we found. Puggie Smalls, the Notorious P.U.G. apparently decided to make Pooh her "special friend". Rest assured, there was no naughty business going on despite the way the photo looks. Puggie honestly was just sleeping on the stuffed toy, and thus, we witness the evidence of neutering and age.