Channeling Beavis and Butthead

Yesterday John and I decided to take the girls to the Bronx Zoo. We had not been there since our initial dating days close to (gasp!) 10 years ago. It was a great excursion and we had a ball. The girls were entranced by all the different animals that they saw. I was surprised by how much Alice loved the butterfly garden. Upon entering the exhibit, the attendant provided us with a map picturing the different types of butterflies in the enclosure. Alice became a pro at identifying the butterflies that perched near us. Despite the lure of the 4-D Dora and Diego movie, Alice kept getting sidetracked every time a new butterfly fluttered by. Even Angela surprised me by her joy in the Congo exhibit. Who knew how enamored she would be by the gorillas? She kept pointing at them and squealing at their antics in their habitat enclosure. However, my "Beavis and Butthead" moment of the day came while we were in the Children's Zoo exhibit.


It was not until we were in the Children's Zoo that I remembered all the wandering peacocks that speckle the zoo landscape. I think in the food court they actually outnumber the pigeons, which, when you consider we are in the Bronx, is saying something. Anyhow, I had just placed Angela down from her perch in my arms when she noticed a peacock right in front of her. She was so excited to see the exotic bird so close to her. In answer to her finger point and quizzical look, I informed her that it was a peacock. Unfortunately, she zeroed in on the second syllable of the word and kept saying the word "cock" over and over. It did not help that her pointing finger was not only in line with the large bird but also in line with most folks' genitals. Needless to say, those in earshot must have been a mite confused as to why a 15 month old girl was running around, finger outstretched, saying a rather vulgar word for penis. However, if you keep up with this blog, you can understand why I was unfazed by this. I guess Alice has broken me in. I had no choice but to follow John's example and break into my best Beavis and Butthead laugh, do my best Butthead impression, and say, "She said cock."

Charge!!!!!

Angela took her first independent steps about three weeks ago. Now she rarely crawls. I figure by next week she will have evolved from her Baby Frankenstein lurching into a pretty typical gait, until college overindulgences anyway. In about two more weeks, she will probably be happily running about while chasing particles of dust (funny how kids and animals share that trait). I love this stage because it really highlights each child's idiosyncrasies and there is nothing I like better than observing someone else's quirks.


For instance, I love how Angela has used scuttling to her advantage. Somehow she has figured out that if she wants speed, she needs to sidestep. This was particularly amusing while at the shore. Unfortunately, it did have one negative effect. Her crab like saunter resulted in an overwhelming urge to chase her while wearing a lobster bid and smother her with drawn butter. I also like Angela's propensity of pointing to her ultimate destination when walking. I am not sure if it helps her maintain focus or balance, but it is easy to figure out where she is heading by a glance at her outstretched finger. Essentially, I have given birth to the Babe Ruth of walking.


It is funny how the dog has also picked up on this peculiarity. Just when I think Puggie lacks two synapses to fire up, she shows remarkable intelligence. It is nice to see that she has a sense of self preservation. This kicked in rapidly when Angela started toward the dog with a hairbrush in her hand (substitute for the pointing finger). She looked like Don Quixote charging the windmills. Puggie woke up from her perpetual snooze and moved faster than I had seen her in a while. She managed to elude a grooming from Angela mainly due to Angela's lack of coordination. Enjoy the respite now dog. Coordination and speed are just around the corner.

Flashback

"Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it."


I remember hearing this phrase as a teenager and thinking how profound it was. Examples of it seem to permeate society; however, I never really thought of it applying to me and toilet paper until yesterday afternoon.


Our story begins about six years ago around this time. John and I had been married for close to a year. I was lonely for a pet, especially as John was travelling so much for work. A cat was out of the question due to John's allergies. If I wanted a four legged furry friend, I had to get a dog. Enter Puggie. During those early, not house trained days, I would put Puggie in our main floor bathroom before I went off to work. A baby gate kept her confined but she had more space than she did in her crate at night (and my carpets were safe). One day I came home from work to find the bathroom totally wrapped in toilet paper. It seriously looked like a roll exploded in the bathroom. Apparently, Puggie discovered the roll of paper just hanging on the wall and figured it was a good plaything. I will never forget how happy she looked surrounded by Charmin (once I finally located her under the pile). She looked at me as if to say, "Mommy! I had so much fun today." Needless to say, I learned my lesson and kept the toilet paper away from the pup. Unfortunately doing so required explanation when visitors used the facilities.


Well, puppies eventually mellow into dogs (read couch potatoes) and outgrow such mischievousness. I rejoiced when I could finally put the paper back on the roll. No more explanations to bathroom users. A page in my history was written and completed.


Until yesterday.


I was busy getting ready to go to the grocery store. John was working at home so I assumed Angela was playing underfoot in the office. She has an odd fascination for the bright silver zippers on his briefcase. Apparently, this fascination also extends to toilet paper. I was ready to leave and went to collect the little one. As I walked over to the office, I noticed some movement in the bathroom. There was Angela surrounded by toilet paper with a big smile on her face. As I looked at her, my mind flashed back to that pug puppy from six years ago. I had to laugh. It looks like I have re-entered the keeping the toilet paper away from puppies/babies stage.


Consider this your warning when you use the main floor bathroom. Look on the shelf behind you if you need a square.

Home Sweet Home

I was really dreading this week and not because Alice is home on vacation. I enjoy spending time with her, except when she is recovering from an illness. To say she is not a good patient is a very politically correct way of stating she is a major pain in the rear. For whatever reason, Alice becomes this clingy, whiny adhesive shadow as she transitions from sickness to health. So, you can imagine how I was feeling as I cancelled all our outside activities and prepared to hunker down with a post pneumonia toddler.

I am still shocked that my pith helmet was not needed. Alice has been downright pleasant and fun. The week has generally unfolded with her and Angela playing together in the morning and afternoon with some cartoon or other in the background. Alice has been creating picnics, tea parties, and birthday parties around her sister. Every morning Alice takes a blanket from our pile in the living room and spreads it out on the floor next to her sister. She then proceeds to set up all her plates, cups, and other paraphernalia on top. Angela knocks it all down and smiles a great deal. In many respects, Angela reminds me of my former students who did not speak English. She looks amused and she smiles a great deal; but, you know that in her mind she is wondering, "What the heck is going on?" I like to stay out of the room as they play because I hear the cutest things (especially of late because Alice has taken to supplying her sister's dialogue during their "conversations"). I am still chucking about one of these said "conversations" from two days ago.

A little background- I have been trying to teach Alice that she cannot take a toy from her sister if Angela is actively playing with it. I don't know why Alice always wants that one particular toy, especially when you consider my home is teeming with playthings. I guess the toy someone else is playing with always looks like the most fun toy in the universe at that moment. Anyhow, I was checking email in the kitchen and the latest tea party was unfolding in the dining room nearby. I was listening and half watching them as I replied to the day's communications. Here is the written account of the scene:

Angela is happily playing with a toy as Alice enters stage right. Alice sits down next to her sister and watches what she is doing for a few seconds.

ALICE: Hi Angela. Can I play with that?

ANGELA (dialogue supplied by Alice in a slightly different tone to indicate a different person) Sure Alice. Enjoy.

ALICE: Thank you, Angela.

Alice takes the toy leaving a slightly bemused Angela in her wake until a shadow on the wall distracts her.

By now I had stopped typing and sat there wondering what I should do. Do I reprimand her for taking the toy? In Alice's mind, Angela gave her the toy willingly. It's times like these when I realize how much Alice has grown up. Perhaps that is why she was so good this week. She is growing up (and has Angela as a captive constant playmate). Whatever the reason, I will take it.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Here is the copy of our annual Christmas letter along with the pictures that were on the card. For those of you who already received it sorry for the repeat.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

I nearly had a heart attack a few weeks ago when I flipped the calendar to the December page. All the things that needed to be done before Christmas popped into my head simultaneously; hence, the near heart attack. Since Angela's birth, time has become this hazy period in between feedings and sleep. I shook myself out of my fog and logged onto Snapfish's website. If nothing else, I could get our annual Christmas card designed quickly.

The top left picture was taken during our first apple picking excursion at Masker Orchards. As you can tell from the background, it was the perfect day to pick apples or as John would phrase it "pay to be migrant workers." Alice had a ball and really got into the whole picking experience. At least now I can rest easily, knowing that if college does not work out, she has skill as an itinerant worker. I also learned that I can use 40 lbs of apples in only two weeks. Yes, Martha Stewart has nothing on me. For a while, however, I felt like I was living in that movie scene from Forrest Gump when he was in the army and his buddy listed the many uses for shrimp. Substitute apples and you had my life for those two weeks: apple butter, apple pancakes, apple sauce, apples covered in chocolate. Okay, I didn't try that last one but maybe next year. After all, everything is better with chocolate.

The next photo is of Angela on the day she was born. She decided to surprise the heck out of us and exit a month early. I don't think I will ever forget the start to that morning. I was trying to haul my pregnant body out of bed for yet another trip to the bathroom when my water broke. Nothing like starting your day with the feeling that a water balloon just exploded (and kept exploding) in between your legs. Since Angela was breech, I needed to have a c-section. Poor John got yet another anatomy lesson he could have happily done without, but, at least he can say he experienced firsthand all the ways that a child can exit a woman. Despite being early, Angela weighed 6 lbs 6 oz. and was 19 inches long. Alice has taken on the role of "big sister" exceptionally well. I hope they always get on the way they currently do.

At the bottom left is a picture of Alice at a pancake house during our vacation to Lake George. I just love her smile in this picture. Alice is now 3 years old and a hoot. She daily provides me with excellent fodder for my blog, especially now that her language and imagination have taken off. Just yesterday while we were making sugar cookies, Alice treated the balls of dough like little people. They took a swim in the green and red sugar sea and then proceeded to have all kinds of adventures on the cookie sheet. I felt a bit guilty about putting the tray in the oven but thankfully, she was not traumatized.

Finally, we have a picture of Angela with her bud Puggie. Angela just loves the dog to pieces. Whenever she hears the dog's nails clicking on the tile floor, she perks up and starts looking for her. The smile that erupts when she finally sees Puggie is just a wonderful expression of pure joy. The dog likewise loves having another little one around and has adapted very well to being knocked a little lower in the pecking order. She seizes every opportunity to be near Angela and kiss her. Personally, I think she is trying to curry favor for when Angela transitions to finger foods. Alice has become miserly with the handouts and her diet is much more Spartan than it has been in the last two years. Consequently, I now have a dog three pounds thinner who eats lint off the floor in the hope it is food.

While I am pleased with how the card looks, I realize that it does not really tell the tale of our family. To really highlight the events of this year pictorially I would need a few more photos. There would be a picture of me with the carpet steamer juxtaposed with Alice on the potty. Thankfully everything has clicked, but the journey was not easy. You can lead a toddler to the potty but you can't make them go, especially if the toddler in question is a strong willed sort like Alice. Using great judgment on my part, I concentrated on potty training post pregnancy. It enabled me to enjoy some wine with my whines about the process. The card would also need a picture of me sitting down and breastfeeding Angela. Next to me would be Alice who would be breastfeeding her stuffed Cat in the Hat doll. Alice is a great big sister and helper. More than once she would lift her shirt and offer to feed Angela. Given Angela's undiscerning love for all things nipple, she probably would have latched on. Unfortunately, John quickly saw through my ploys of trying to get him to hold Angela without his shirt on. He feared I would not explain how to pop her off. I tried to convince him that I totally would show him (eventually), but alas my plan was foiled. Our card would need a shot with John and Alice playing with Play-Doh. Who knew that my CPA husband was the Michelangelo of Play-Doh? He has made armies of characters and done much surgery on them after Godzilla Alice left her path of destruction in her wake. The card would also need a picture of Alice in front of her school building. Alice loves preschool, but the beginning was a little rocky. Apparently, she did not like being reprimanded for something on the first day and popped the director in the nose. Thankfully, despite this rocky start, Alice settled in and loves it (and the director). The card would also need a picture of Alice naked. Our resident nudist peels off her clothes the second she gets home. One day John came home from work and asked her, "Alice, why are you naked?" Alice happily told him, "Because I took my clothes off." This brings me to the next requirement for a Christmas card that would really depict my family-- a soundtrack with no pauses for silence coupled with a laugh track.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and start of a new year. If you would like to keep posted on the craziness of our family life or if you need a dose of birth control feel free to read my blog. You can access it as http://www.twohumansandapug.blogspot.com/

Foot Fetish

Angela is now a little over five months old. Thankfully, she is evolving out of "baby blob" mode. I love my children and have loved them at each level of development. However, I have to confess that I am one of those freaky moms that doesn't really LOVE the newborn stage. Sure they are adorable and I love building a bond with this tiny little creature tugging at my breast. But, let's face it, the cycle of eat, sleep, poop, repeat gets kind of old really quickly. Personally, I start to have fun with my little ones when they reach the 3-4 month marker and now that Angela has entered the five month realm things are really taking off for her and me. She laughs and smiles. She recognizes us. She prattles excitedly when she accomplishes something new or when her sister enters the room. For instance, the other day, she gave a good left hook to the blue elephant dangling above her. The laughs and smiles that followed made my day.

I love spending time just watching her facial expressions as she takes in the world: the look of "What the hell is that?" when she saw a cow for the first time; the expression of love and happiness when her sister enters the room; the coy grin with which she dazzles my fellow walkers with as we take our respective morning constitutionals. Most of all I love her looks as she discovers something new about herself- be it about her body or her abilities. Finding her toes fulfilled both of these criteria. I don't think I will ever forget the moment she first really noticed them. She was sitting in her Bumbo chair chewing on her hands and watching her toes move. She was mesmerised by them. You could see by the expression on her face that she was thinking, "Hmmmm...what are those things? They look kinda interesting. Mom just ran her fingers on them. Wooo...that makes me laugh." A few jerky arm movements later, Anglea managed to capture her elusive prey. A squeal of delight erupted from the little one (much more palatable than the usual eruptions that emanate from her I have to add). A look of triumph such as I have seen on Olympic athletes as they win the gold came upon her face. She had scored victory over those wiggly things.

Now, more often than not, you will see Angela happily holding her feet. Since she is teething, she is also experiencing her first dilemma. Where should she put her hands? Crammed in her mouth to relieve pressure on her gums or should they be wrapped around her feet? I am happy to see that she has found a compromise that works for her- one in each place. Although it has been several weeks since her toe finding, I am still struck by the sheer joy she experiences from them. They have become her ten new best friends. The first time I put socks on her, she was so despondent. Thankfully, it was easy to make her happy again. I took off the socks. I wish it could always be that easy to please my kids. Watching Angela with her feet made me realize that kids have the right ideas about living- take joy in the body you have, always maintain a sense of wonder in it and the world around you, and sometimes your friends are closer to you than you think.

Makes you want to run around barefoot, doesn't it?