Oh Crap!

I thought my days of taking mental notes about poop were over.  Just last week this assumption was validated.  During my 13 year old's annual physical, the pediatrician asked about her bowel movements.  I happily turned that question over to the authority on that subject- my daughter.

It was such a nice feeling.

Yeah, I typed "was".

Enter stage left Claire, the pug.  Cue God laughing.

Since moving to the South, Claire has experienced moments of uncontrollable stink bombs.  Not long after moving, Claire baptized the house and it made baptism by fire seem preferable.  A trip to the vet, some anti-poop medicine along with antibiotics, and all was well.

Unfortunately, Claire's digestive system took on the ebb and flow of the tides.  Things would be fine for weeks and then a shitstorm would stir up again.  It got to the point that her farts sent feelings of impending doom straight through me.  FYI- pugs are flatulent little beasts, so I had doomsday anticipation often.  

Like any good parent, I have been keeping record of these said occurrences hoping to figure out any pattern.  Today it was back to the vet with data, pug and a Ziploc bag of said stink bombs. (Side note- Ziploc's plastic and seal really do deserve that Good Housekeeping seal of approval for keeping everything, including smell, contained).  

Thankfully, Claire's issue is pretty normal.  Just like humans, animals can upset the balance in their digestive system and experience an overgrowth of bacteria.  While explaining this, the vet watched my pug doing her best imitation of an excited greased pig spinning around the room.  "Mrs. Barile," she continued, "We do find that dogs with highly excitable personalities tend to experience this this upset more often."  I had to bite the inside of my check to keep from laughing.  As we discussed changes to her diet and adding a probiotic, I could not help thinking:

The vet just insinuated that my dog has a shitty personality. (This is in the literal sense of course; Claire is a sweet and benign soul. I just like the many layers of word meaning.  They amuse me).

My other weird thought happened after I had to sign for Claire's anti-diarrhea medication.  It is a controlled substance and I couldn't help but wonder why constipation is a sought after high.  It has been several hours post appointment and I still can't figure it out.  Maybe the aftermath of Claire crap has killed off some of my brain cells.

  

Snow Daze

I am not a complainer by nature.  It is simply not my style.  Do not get me wrong.  I occasionally vent; but, for the most part, I try to accept what is going on around me with grace (or resignation, take your pick). That being said, I have found this winter particularly rough.  I know, I know, I live in the northeast.  I expect cold and snow and ice and sleet.  It is winter. I just find it to be a little harder to deal with this year.  The cold has been extreme and the jet stream keeps tossing snow/ice our way.  The cozy hibernation feel of early winter (warm beverages by the fireplace) has given way to cabin fever and way too many glasses of wine by the fireplace.  Add two very active children into this mix and it is understandable why I need a Spring intervention.

That being said, some parts of winter have been fun. I think the hard part about winter is you have to really work for your fun.  It is not as easy as running outside with a picnic lunch, a box of sidewalk chalk, and bubbles.  It takes more tactical planning.  Is it snowing?  Above freezing?  Is there ice on the road?  I have spent many evenings combing blogs, Pinterest, Facebook status updates, and magazines for things to do with the kids.  It is exhausting. So, to save some of you from the same exhaustion, I have compiled a list of a few things we have done this winter.  They have been fun and have put smiles on our faces as we weather the weather.

Things to do in the house (for when weather is below freezing/storming or for when you feel too lazy to get out of your pajamas):

Movie Time- We love movies all year long; but, during the winter, I pull out the stops and make it an experience.  For instance, I let the kids do things like eat popcorn outside of the kitchen (totally in violation of a major house rule).  They spread out their sleeping bags on the floor and I put on the fireplace so the room's only light comes from the glow of the television and the fire.  If you are sick of all the movies you own, many local libraries have movies you can borrow.

Hidden toys- At the risk of sounding mean, I will confess that I take some of the toys my kids get for holidays and birthdays and hide them.  I don't take what they obviously fall in love with the minute it is opened.  I take the things that did not get a super enthusiastic reception and put them in my closet.  Boy, do those toys get a hero's welcome on a day we are stuck in the house, and as an added bonus, I get some much needed sanity as they happily play with their "new" things.

Cardboard Boxes- Break them down and store them someplace.  They don't take up a ton of room and reassemble in a snap.  Pull the boxes out along with some markers and don't expect to hear from the kids for a while.  Perhaps you can have them design the boxes as cars and when they are done put on a movie for your own in home drive in.  FYI- Shoe boxes make great houses, treasure chests.  If your kids don't like the designs on the outside, you can wrap them in plain paper.  Now they can design without some logo in their way.

Holidays- Make a fuss over holidays like Valentine's Day.  Have them make decorations for the house, cards for the family, a special dessert for the occasion.  This year I was a Valentine's Day convert.  All the colorful decorations we made was a nice break from the gray, white, and black dreariness of the outside. Look for those silly holidays online like Pancake Day or work together to make up your own holiday.

Balloons- The awesomeness of having these bad boys on hand happened by accident.  Alice wanted to make a paper mache Earth for a school space project.  I got some balloons for the planet's framework.  The next thing I know the girls are laughing in the living room playing volleyball.  In this vein, I saw a neat idea on Pinterest.  Someone made a set for paddles by gluing thick craft sticks to paper plates.  Balloon ping pong, anyone?  We have not tried this yet.  Perhaps on Sunday when more snow is in the forecast.

Music and Audio Books- Music and dancing is a good way to get some of that pent up kid energy out. Freeze dance is a favorite but sometimes they just make up their own games or adventures to the tunes. Again, the library is a great source of kiddie music or check out Pandora online.  Last year I became sold on audio books (topic of a future post).  Some of the recordings are really great, complete with sound effects and character voices.  I also try to have a hard copy of the book to help the girls focus.  Alice (the reading one) enjoys following the words while Angela likes having the pictures in front of her while hearing the story.

Teaching Time- I have been teaching Alice how to knit this winter.  She knits with a loom and on knitting needles.  Now is a great time to share your passions with your children.  Think of a way to include them in the things that you enjoy.  It is a sneaky way to get more chances to do what you love to do.  On weekends Alice will sit next to me on the couch while we both knit together.  Quality bonding time all around!

Crafts- This is the topic of another future post.  I love crafts and my kids do too.  And here is the best part- you do not have to be artistic or uber creative to do crafts.  There are tons of kits out there in craft stores with easy things to do. Additionally, check out the nonfiction section in your local library's children area. There are some wonderful books with detailed instructions on how to do tons of things.  Most of these activities can be made with things you have on hand already.

Games- Board games, card games, video games.... surprise the kids and play with them.  You will have fun, so long as it is not Chutes and Ladders (hate that game; it really is a layer of Hell to me).

These are just some of the things we have done so far this winter.  Feel free to add your winter indoor fun in the comments section.  

Knitting Hugs

A few months ago, a friend of my husband contacted him with a request for me.  M is a nurse who works in the pediatric NCIU at a local hospital.  Although we had not met in person, M and I had become friends on Facebook due to our love of knitting and books. 

The kiddies were in bed and John and I were (gasp) relaxing on the couch.  He was catching up on his Facebook news feed while I was knitting.  John broke the silence.

“M wants to know if you could knit some blankets for the babies in her unit.  She felt odd asking you directly.”

“Why would she feel odd asking me that?”  I asked as I looked up from my project.

“It is for the babies who don’t make it,” he replied.  “Apparently, a lot of people get weirded out at the thought and refuse to make the blankets for them.”

I have to admit that I felt a bit weirded out at the prospect myself.  Usually, I knit something out of happiness- a birth, a “thinking of you” gift.  It seemed wrong to connect my knitting to something as dreadful as the loss of an infant.  And then, my sense of obligation kicked in.  A while back Angela had to stay in the hospital for epilepsy testing.  Everything turned out fine, but those were probably two of the most stressful and anxious days/nights of my life.  While we were there, one of the nurses came in with a handmade blanket for Angela.  It was love at first snuggle for her.  When I saw the joy that blanket brought to her, I made an internal pledge to knit something for the hospital. 

When the universe is so direct, one has no choice.  It was time to repay my debt.

“Tell M I would be happy to do it,” I told John.  “Have her email me the specifics like yarn type and size.” 

About a week later, M emailed me and I headed to the store to pick up some yarn for the blankets.  I looked at all the baby yarns with a heavy heart and finally selected a super soft and cuddly light pink.  When I got home, I looked through my knitting encyclopedia for a suitable stitch pattern.  I knit up my gauge swatch, did the necessary math, and wrote my pattern.  I put the project away and got caught up in the hustle and bustle of my typical day.  Still, even the rushing to dance and helping with homework, did not distract me enough from my thoughts about the family that would receive this blanket.  It upset me that sorrow would greet something I crafted loop by loop.  Then, a profound realization came over me that lifted my sadness and replaced it with a sense of purpose.  It is only in our modern times that death of a loved one has become such an isolated event.  It is odd how in this time of seeming interconnectedness we have actually become more alone.  Death used to be more of a community thing.  Mary did not go to prepare her son’s crucified body alone.  Other women came to assist her and to provide comfort.  Just as there used to be community quilting bees for happy events, those women would also prepare burial cloths.  And then, another thought came to me.  I was not creating a shroud for a lost baby.  Rather, I was creating a hug for that baby’s family.  I was providing them not only with a tangible reminder of their departed angel but with a sense that they did not have to shoulder their grief alone.  Somewhere out there was someone who acknowledged their loss.  There was someone who saw that their child’s birth and brief presence on this earth deserved acknowledgement through a handmade gift.

The other day M informed me that the two pink blankets I crafted went to a set of micro preemies.  I prayed for the family and went to the craft store for some more yarn.  I need to knit some more hugs.

Nice to Know I Am Not the Only One

More often than not, I am the primary audience of my children's oddities. The result...sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind. Consequently, I was happy to learn from my sister that David, her husband and the girls' uncle, was on the receiving end of a few Angela-isms.

Last Sunday, Alice had a dance competition. My parents, being the awesome folks they are, took pity on John and me and agreed to watch Angela for the duration of the competition. As much as Angela loves both dance and her sister, I doubt she would happily watch about five hours worth of performances. David came over to my parents' house to lend a hand.

Over the course of the day, Angela and David had some interesting conversations. For instance, out of nowhere, Angela informed her uncle that she does not like boys. When he questioned her further, she told him, "I don't like them because at school they are always stepping on my feet."

However, the true gem of the day occurred when Angela got her uncle a glass of water. He was very appreciative and thanked her for her thoughtfulness. In response, Angela proceeded to tell her beloved uncle, "it is poison."

Don't worry....it wasn't...

Regardless, if someone just told me that boys were on her shit list, I would not have accepted anything from her if I had a penis.

Good Question

Sometimes kids ask really good questions.  For example, on our way home from school, Twisted Sister's "Burn in Hell" came on.  After listening it for a few minutes, Angela asked who was singing and what as the name of the song.  I answered her and waiting to catch some hell for not having the new Sofia the First soundtrack on the sound system.  Instead I got the question: "Why are they so grumpy?"

Damned if I know.

Homework Dangers

As a former teacher, I would define homework in many ways. I never thought I would ever use the adjective "dangerous" in conjunction with it. Then again, motherhood has caused me to change my definition of so many things.

The vocabulary list from Alice's reading resource teacher seemed so benign at first glance. Periodically, Alice is given lists of words to read with me. Many of these words are unfamiliar to her, so it is a way for her to put her phonics knowledge into action. If Alice does not know the word, she typically asks me its meaning right after she says it aloud.

We were halfway down the sl- word column when we came to the word "slug".

"Mommy, what does 'slug' mean?" Alice asked.

"It means to hit," I replied.

"Like this?" Alice gave me a light tap on my chest.

"No," I answered. "A 'slug' would be much harder."

"Oh, you mean like this?"

BAM!

Thank goodness, I don't have heart issues. I am convinced the blow she gave me might have instigated a cardiac episode.

"Alice," I yelled. "What the heck made you think that would be the appropriate thing to do?!" The bellowing coupled with the daggers shooting out of my eyes made Alice quickly see her error in judgement. She jumped from her chair and threw her arms around my midsection all the while apologizing profusely.

I hugged her back and asked for her to release me so I could stir dinner (translation: Mommy needed to walk away, get her annoyance under control, and catch her breath- literally). Upon returning to the table, I sat down and did a quick scan of the remaining words on the list. Since they seemed "safe" and that chest protection was unnecessary, I managed to finish helping Alice with her homework unscathed.

Later that evening, I told John what happened.

He thought for a moment and told me, "You should have told her a slug is a bug that will die if you sprinkle it with salt."

Damn.

I hate hindsight and multiple word meanings.

So, Is She Going to Hell?

Whenever I spend extended time with my youngest I have flashbacks of my drinking days from my twenties.  In particular, it brings back memories of when I was the designated driver.  We have all experienced that seemingly surreal feeling of being the one sober person on a raft in the sea of inebriation.  That is how I feel multiple times a day as I navigate the world with my almost four year old.

Here is some evidence of Angela's drunkenness:

1.  Uncontrollable giggles for no reason.
2.  Unclear speech (subject matter and elocution)
3.  Instances of "beer muscles" (taking on a much older playground bully for hogging the slide)
4.  Having a good friend drag you away from impending altercation before fists started flying (thanks T)
5.  Random nakedness

The above example occurred today in the basement of the local Presbyterian church.  Yes, you did read that correctly.  Today, while waiting for her older sister to leave her Daisy meeting, Angela decided it would be a good idea to moon the other moms awaiting their daughters.  This happened all the while she giggled uncontrollably.  Talk about a mortifying sober friend moment.  Regardless, like any good sober friend, I pulled my daughter's pants up and apologized to the other moms for blinding them (Angela has inherited mom's overly pale skin).

I wonder if AA will accept a member who has never had a drink into its ranks...